Meet the most special cat on the face of the planet. Penny the pink cat came alive one day while visiting my dad in the hospital. She was a little doodle I created in the hospital room. In October we found out my dad had cancer. He went from being a healthy 64 year old to a cancer patient just like that. I don’t want to go into much detail about his diagnoses as I think that is somewhat of a private thing.What I can share with you is that he is a fighter and he is fighting super hard.
A great friend of mine said something to me that has stuck with me everyday. She said “Life goes on” she meant no matter what is going on with my dad, life keeps going. Kids still need meals cooked, dogs need to be let out, cat litter needs to be cleaned,my job still needs me to come in and take care of job stuff. The world keeps moving even though in my eyes life has sorta stopped.
In case anyone doesn’t know I have Bipolar which can make things tricky. I have been off medication for over year now, actually maybe like a year and half ,I don’t know really I’ve lost count of the months. It’s not been easy, I’ve had times where I wanted to check myself in the hospital or get back on meds. I’ve had one suicidal episode but I have back up medication and a good caregiver so I was safe.
Such a shock has triggered me in all kinds of ways and has sent me spiraling sometimes. It’s as if I am walking through a fog while everyone else is walking through sunshine and happiness. Like how dare these people keep living and laughing while my whole world is turned upside down. It got to the point where I just couldn’t be on social media and see everyone living their life. I didn’t have it in me to genuinely be happy for anyone. How could I? I was stuck in my own head and I couldn’t get out.
These days life is very much unpredictable and for the most part I am strong but there are days where I don’t think I will make it out of bed. One weekend I did stay in bed for almost 48 hours straight. I gave myself that time to feel what I needed to feel. I am still learning about self care while balancing the world on my shoulders and having bipolar . Everyday when I wake up, I’m surprised I am still standing and then I thank the universe for another day with my parents especially my dad.
There is no question life goes on. I’m adjusting to the new normal of my life, even though I struggle to find happiness and the silver lining I will not give up hope. Life will never be the same, at times I feel bitter and angry at the powers to be. I eventually pull it together and decide to be a big girl and go out in the world and deal with it.
A couple of tips for surviving the storm:
- First don’t panic that doesn’t help anyone especially not your loved one
- Cry ,its a good stress reliever and bottling up feelings is never a good idea
- Get a good support group together mine are my very best friends without these ladies I would fall flat on my face.
- Keep moving don’t forget to live your life…..walk the dogs, take a bike ride.
- Ask for help if you are having trouble keeping up with life reach out ,people are amazing and are willing to help.
I hope everyone who is fighting some sort of battle know they are not alone in this world ,we are all fighting together.